


Five Times Peggy Didn't Push Jarvis Into the Thames (And One Time She Did)

by Anonymous



Category: Agent Carter (TV)
Genre: Cake, Deliberate Badfic, Deliberately Bad Fanart, F/M, the human heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 20:58:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3624039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five Romantic Ficlets about Not Pushing Jarvis Into the Thames</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Peggy Didn't Push Jarvis Into the Thames (And One Time She Did)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [littlestpumpkin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlestpumpkin/gifts).



_everything dies bb that's a fact_  
_but maybe everything that dies some day comes back_  
_put ur makeup on_  
_tilt ur fedora pretty_  
_and meet me tonight in london city_

\--- Traditional English folk song 

 

 

1.

  
Peggy walked in the door of Jarvis's house looking like a million bucks. Peggy always looked like at least 100 bucks, but on this day she looked like exactly one million dollars in small bills that had been tied together into the shape of an attractive human and dressed in stylish yet professional clothing. Jarvis noticed the resemblance as he pulled a cake out of the oven that he was baking. He thought about all the things one million dollars could buy him, like new cake pans or a frilly apron to wear while baking cakes for his wife, whom he loved even though she did not always seem to exist.

Suddenly the phone rang, it was Jarvis' wife. “jarvis” she said “I am cheating on you with tony stark.” at first Jarvis was broken hearted but it turned out this was a different Tony Stark who lived on 49th St. and owned a chain of grocery stores which made him slightly less broken hearted but still unhappy. “I will always bake cakes for you, Anna,” he said into the phone but she had already hung up. Then jarvis was sad.

“Who will eat this mr kiplings cherry bakewell cake i made” he said with tears in his eyes.

It's ok, said Peggy, we can eat it together!!!

On that day they were no where near the Thames or any river, in fact they were as far as it is possible to be from the water and still be in Manhattan because Tony was nervous about water after the Thames incident. They ate cake and talked about the case as Jarvis politely refrained from touching the silken money-like surface of Peggy's knee.

 

2.

  
"Drop your weapons," said Peggy Carter awesomely, pointing a gun at the Russian Nazi assassins from Hydrox. The evil Europeans dropped their weapons and ran but one of the weapons was a bomb and peggy had to disarm it using her Swiss Army lipstick. Then the Howling Commandos showed up to help and they all drank wiskey from Peggy's wiskey flask that she kept strapped inside her 40s underwear for Howling Commando emergencies. They sat around the fire and talked abotu the moral certainties of the war and how the world was more complicated now because there were superpowers and not all of them were as nice as Steve. "Steve was nice," thought Peggy, but why did she see an image of Jarvis in her head?? the main guy of the Howling Commandoes drank all the wiskey before she could have any but luckily she had a backup flask in her other garter. This was in Central Europe somewhere so Peggy could not have pushed Jarvis into the Thames even if she wanted to, which she was beginning to think maybe she didn't.

 

3.

  
The Thames rolled softly through the murk and steel of London, past the docks and the giant wheel thing, past Cambridge College and the book stores and Parlament Catherdal and whatever else is on the Thames. Its ancient waters murmured to itselves as they sang in the suburban grasses and carried the detritus of empire and the songs of ancient Britons and other riverish things like tyres and shopping carts and beer bottles of all eras. It rolled under bridges that had seen fire and revolution, and it rolled between the fingers of lovers who were unfortunately neither Jarvis nor Peggy.

"I miss Peggy Carter," thought the Thames, only not in words because it was a river. The Thames remembered all the people Peggy Carter had pushed into its watery bosom and sighed, only not literally because it is a river and did not have lungs. On that day many people were pushed into the Thames both on purpose and on accident, but none of them were Jarvis because he was in America buiding a new invention vault for Tony Stakr (his boss tony not the other one who was sleeping with his wife). peggy was also not pushing Jarvins into the Thmaes because she was in New York working for the SSI. The Thames and Peggy and Jarvis all missed each other, but none of them knew it yet.

 

4.

  
JArvis was at home alone again, wondering what to do with all the cake pans he had accumulated in his life with Anna. It all seemed like a sad dream. Tony Stark (the cheating one, not the inventor) came by to pick up Anna's things and there was a confrontation scene that was emotional but subdued. Then Peggy came by and they walked through the city of New York and along the river for many blocks while Jarvis wondered what had happened to make Anna choose Tony Stark over him. "In a way it would be better if it was the regular Tony Stark," said Jarvis pensively. "At least our Tony is good looking. This one is balding and has 3 grown children and uneven nose hairs."

"The human heart is the greatest undercover agency in the world," Peggy mentioned wisely. "Even the wisest cannot track all of its movements." As they went on walking by the riverside. Peggy found that she had lost all desire to push Jarvis into the river, if indeed she had ever truly wanted to. What is more, even if she had pushed him into a body of water that day, it would not have been the Thames.

 

5.

Peggy was looking for Jarvis at their usual meeting place in Central Park when she saw a cake that had been waiting in the green grass for some time. Rain had fallen upon the cake and the sweet green icing was flowing down into the grass which was a different color of green. Someone left this cake out in the rain, she thought, but why? As she remembered the cakes jarvis used to bake for his faithless wife, drops of water splashed against her ripe cheekbones. Were they tears or rain? There is an answer to this question but it was deliberately withheld by the narrator for dramatic effect.

“hello, Peggy,” sighed Jarvis sadly. “Did you notice the cake? It represents my wife Anna whom it turned out did not even really exist.”

“oh no, Jarvis,” ached Peggy. “That is the saddest kind of loss. Sit down and lie your head on my shoulder so that I can comfort you as a friend.”

Jarvis laiyed his head on Peggy's shoulder and thought about all the memories he had of Anna that had never been real because it turned out she was a robot or something. It began to rain even more than it had and Pegy wondered if steve had been real also or a robot.

“jarvis I am beginning to doubt that anyone is truly real,” she said.

“this cake is real,” said Jarvis. “I baked it with my own hands and also an oven.”

They looked at the cake together and thought about things that existed, which included their feelings for each other. As they embraced on the epark bench they both got wet but it was because it was raining, not because they had fallen into the Thames. In fact the Thames is in Engladn and they were both in New York, which is over 100 miles away. “we are melting into one like this cake of tragic love,” said Jarvis tragically as there tears mingled with the rain and the cake.

 

~~ ~ ~ and one time. . . . .~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“You know, I used to have thought sometimes I would never see the Thames again,” sighed Peggy as Jarvis helped her onto the dock in London where they were for a case or something, and also in this part of the story they are married or maybe just pretending but they fall in love for real, I haven't decided yet! Fiction is a process of evolution so don't be surprised if this part changes.

“I thought I could never learn to love again,” said Jarvis, “and thtat would have been worse than being pushed into the Thames.”

Then they kissed so hard they bothe fell into the water and drowned!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fortunately, it was not a literal drowning, the water was a metaphor for feelings and so was the drowning part so actually after theyhad some sex they were fine! Unfortunately they could not jump each others bones right away because it was still only the 40s and sex had not been invented yet, so they called Tony Stark (the inventer one not the one who Jarvises wife cheated with when she still existed) who intvented a time machine so they could go to 2002 where sex was both extant and legal througout England and the United states. After that they went back and forth between the 2000s and the 40s so that they could keep their jobs but also bang freely in the manner of the 2000s, it was a good system and no one was the wiser because the time machine was a secret known only to Peggy and Jarvis.

 

THE END(?)

 


End file.
